Parent Information
Talking to teens can be hard sometimes. This page is here to help start some conversations with your teen and give tips on ways you can ask questions about sensitive topics!
Talking About Drugs with your teen
- Ask about what’s happening in your teen’s daily life. Get to know your teen’s interests, passions, friends, worries, and hopes. By asking about things that are important to him or her (and then taking the time to listen without being distracted), you give a clear signal that you care and are approachable. That opens the door for your teen to tell you voluntarily about challenges, struggles, or pressures that are present or looming.
- Discuss the risks of marijuana. A growing number of teens do not recognize the risks of marijuana, with many now believing it is relatively safe and less harmful than tobacco. This may be one reason that it is becoming one of the most commonly used illegal drugs. However, according to the National Institute on Drug Abuse, marijuana has the following risks:
- It can change the way the brain processes sensory information and experiences, making it harder to learn, remember, and be motivated.
- It affects the lungs in the same way that tobacco smoke affects them, creating a range of respiratory problems, including daily cough and phlegm, chronic bronchitis, and more frequent chest colds.
- Using marijuana makes teens more likely to accept—and get involved in—other risky behaviors, such as aggression, negative peer relationships, and unsafe and premature sexual activity.
- Highlight the benefits of abstaining from using marijuana. Youth who do not use marijuana before graduating from high school tend to do better than their peers who experimented. They tend to have more parental support, spend more time on homework and extracurricular activities, earn better grades, get in less trouble, and are emotionally better off.
Drug Guide for Parents
Below is a Drug Guide for parents including street names, what they look like, how they are used, signs of abuse, and other important facts. Below the picture is a PDF file that can be downloaded.
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drug_chart.pdf | |
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Talking about Tobacco with your teen
- Critique what teens hear about tobacco. Friends, movies, music, celebrities, or advertising may give teens the impression that tobacco use is sexy, helps lose weight, or can help them fit in. These are myths. Using tobacco is not a sign of maturity, and most adults who started using tobacco as teens later regret it.
- Highlight the risks.Young people who see smoking or tobacco use as less harmful (or focus on what they see as positive sides to it, such as peer acceptance) are more likely to start using tobacco. Here are some of the short- and long-term risks of smoking (with similar risks for other forms of tobacco use):
Short-Term Effects of Smoking- Addiction to nicotine and exposure to other dangerous chemicals
- Higher likelihood of respiratory problems
- Shortness of breath
- Phlegm and a gross-sounding cough
- Impaired lung growth and function
- Bad breath, yellow teeth, and stained fingers
- Addiction to nicotine and exposure to other dangerous chemicals
- Lung, mouth, throat, kidney, and stomach cancers
- Coronary heart disease
- Emphysema and other chronic diseases
- Shorter lifespan (up to 20 years shorter)
- Foul-smelling clothes and hair
- Provide accurate information about different forms of tobacco.Cigarettes are the most common form of tobacco use, including tobacco use among teens. But there are other forms of tobacco that teens may try or use. Sometimes they do so, thinking that the health risks or chance of addiction are lower. And though the levels of specific risks vary by type of product, all of these tobacco products contain nicotine and other chemicals, so they are not “safe” alternatives to smoking cigarettes. Other tobacco products include:
- BeTobaccoFree.gov is a comprehensive "one-stop-shop" for tobacco information from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.
- Smokeless tobacco, including chewing tobacco, snuff, and snus—Most smokeless tobacco users place the product in their cheek or between their gum and cheek, then spit. Snus are small pouches of dry tobacco that are placed between the gum and lip but usually are not spit.
- Bidis ("bee-dees") and kreteks—Bidis are small, hand-rolled cigarettes typically imported from India and Southeast Asia. They may be flavored (such as chocolate, mango, or strawberry). Kreteks, from Indonesia, are also called clove cigarettes because they include cloves along with tobacco and other additives. These products contain more nicotine, tar, and carbon monoxide than conventional U.S. cigarettes.
- Cigars, cigarillos, little cigars, and blunts—Most cigars include tobacco that is air-cured or dried, then fermented to give it a different taste and smell. Regular cigars are larger than cigarettes. Little cigars or cigarillos look like cigarettes, but are filled with pipe tobacco. They may be flavored (chocolate or apple, for example) and are sold individually or in packets like cigarettes. Blunts are wide, somewhat stubby versions of cigars. All of these products contain higher levels of nicotine than cigarettes.
- Pipes—Pipes use loose, fermented tobacco that sits in a chamber or bowl and is inhaled through a mouthpiece.
- Hookah or water pipe—This pipe, originally from India and the Middle East, is used to smoke a combination of tobacco and fruits or vegetables (called Shisha) that is heated and filtered through water.
- Electronic cigarettes or E-cigarettes—E-cigarettes are battery-powered devices that turn nicotine and other chemicals into a vapor that the user inhales. E-cigarettes often look like regular cigarettes, but they do not produce smoke or burn tobacco. They do, however, contain nicotine and other chemicals.
- Dissolvable tobacco—Dissolvable tobacco is finely processed to use on strips, sticks, orbs, or tobacco lozenges. They can look like a breath mint or candy. They contain nicotine and other chemicals.
- Find teachable moments. If it’s hard to talk about tobacco with your teen, try these ideas to make it easier:
- If your teen is going to be where tobacco might be used, talk about how to deal with the situation.
- Comment on an advertisement or TV show that shows someone smoking.
- If you see someone using tobacco—such as a relative at a family gathering or one of your own friends—ask your teen what he thinks about it.
- Discuss rules about tobacco use at the school or on sports teams.
Talking about Alcohol with your teen
- Clarify your expectations. Set clear ground rules for not drinking and set specific consequences if your teen does drink. Discuss your expectations that they do not drink alcohol as teenagers and the reasons for it, including the laws, risks, and consequences.
- Talk early and often. Share your concerns about alcohol. Listen to their concerns, questions, and perspectives. Use advertisements, news stories, or personal incidents to raise the issue. Ask teens what they think about alcohol use on television, on the Internet, in movies, or among friends.
- Counter the “everybody’s doing it” message. Remind teens that not everyone drinks, particularly teenagers (for whom drinking is also illegal). One in three adults chooses to not consume alcohol. Let them know that abstaining from alcohol is, for many, a responsible and acceptable choice.
- Find out what’s happening with friends, at school, and places they spend time.Directly ask if friends talk about alcohol use and where alcohol is readily available. Find out whether or how your teen feels pressure from others to use alcohol. Check in regularly, since the situation may change as your teen gets older.
Talking about Online Safety with your teen
- Talk with teens about their online activities. What sites or blogs do they most enjoy? With whom do they interact? Making the online world part of everyday conversation makes it more likely that teens will talk to you if issues come up online for which they need your help. You’ll also have a chance to probe to learn if there are reasons to be concerned.
- Learn more about what your teen is doing online. Teens use social networking sites, instant messaging, and text messages to connect with friends, and they use a variety of websites for homework or to explore personal interests. At the same time, they may be accessing (either accidentally or on purpose) inappropriate content such as violent online games, sexually explicit sites, online gambling, R-rated movies, and explicit music. In addition, teens may be visiting sites that promote unhealthy behaviors, such as pro-anorexia sites. Asking explicit, non-judgmental questions about what your teen is finding online can help to identify areas where you might be concerned so that you can respond appropriately.
- Talk about what to post—and not post—online. In addition to discussing the importance of not sharing private information (such as age, location, school, and phone number), talk about the kind of information, language, and images they might post that could be embarrassing or hurtful to themselves or to others.
- Address ethical and legal issues. The Internet can sometimes make it easy to blur the lines about honesty and integrity. It’s easy to plagiarize (use someone else’s writing or ideas as your own) or to download or share pirated music, videos, and computer programs through file-sharing sites. In addition to the ethical issues, some of these activities can catch the attention of the rightful copyright holders, with serious consequences.
Talking about Peer Relationships with your teen
- Talk with teens about their friends. Ask what they like most about them, how they handle conflicts, and if they bring out the best in them. Try to find out more about how teens feel when they are around their friends.
- Ask teens if they see examples of negative peer pressure at school or within their group of friends. Talk about the different ways in which people experience peer pressure.
- Tell your teen stories about how you have dealt with peer pressure. If you were able to resist negative peer pressure, explain why, and what you did to deal with the situation. If you were pressured into doing something you didn’t want to do, what were the consequences? How did you feel?
Conversation Starters
Maybe it’s a scene from a movie or TV show. Perhaps it’s a song lyric or a news story. Or it could be something that has happened in the neighborhood. These, or anything else that seems timely, can be effective conversation starters.
A good way to start is simply to ask, “What do you think about that?” And “that” might be:
You might also ask, “Do you know anybody that has happened to?”
A good way to start is simply to ask, “What do you think about that?” And “that” might be:
- A peer or family member learns she is pregnant
- A television show discusses teen relationships
- A news report on something involving teens
- A popular song on the radio that talks about relationships
You might also ask, “Do you know anybody that has happened to?”
Conversation Tips
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Teens say that they are uncomfortable talking about sex with their parents because they worry it will make their parents angry, or that their parents will assume they are doing some things they might not actually be doing. In other words, teens say they are afraid their parents will “freak out.” So that’s the first conversation tip—don’t freak out. You may be freaking out on the inside, but on the outside, try to keep calm.
Keep your composure. Remain calm. Becoming angry or overreacting to a question or mistake can upset your teen, or worse, silence any hope of future dialogue. Instead, listen and ask open-ended questions.
Be present. Parents have a lot going on these days. When you have a chance to talk with your teen though, try to put some of those worries and activities aside. Pay attention to the conversation and don’t do too many other things at the same time. You don’t have to drop everything; you can cook or do laundry while you talk. Just be sure to listen and make certain your teen knows you are hearing every word.
Be sympathetic. Let your teen know you understand how challenging life as an adolescent can be. Your teen may not believe you can really relate. Help teens know that you understand that the social pressures and obligations of a teen can feel like a lot. Encourage them to stay focused on school and other priorities.
Stress safety. Regardless of your views on the timing of sex, safety is an important part of the message to give your teen. Stress the absolute necessity of using a condom every single time. And stress the importance of using birth control. Don't lecture or nag, but don’t be too shy to emphasize this point.
Provide the facts. Give teens complete and honest information. Make sure they understand that condoms aren't just for preventing pregnancy, but also for reducing the likelihood of contracting STDs and HIV. Make sure they know that birth control methods do not necessarily provide protection against STDs and HIV.
To learn more about contraceptive methods, condoms, and STDs, visit OAH's Contraceptive and Condom Use and STD pages, as well as the section of OAH's Adolescent Health Library devoted to reproductive health resources.
Talk with them, instead of preaching. Resist the urge to talk AT them. Instead, share with them. Let them know how you felt and the challenges you faced when you were their age.
Have lots of discussions. Don’t look at this as one huge, overwhelming moment. Keep in mind that talking to your teen is an ongoing conversation. It takes place in bits and pieces over time. It’s not one big talk. Truth be told, when it comes to important topics like relationships, your teen does want to hear from you, but might find talking comfortable for only a few minutes at a time. Give your opinion over time, instead of just unloading one large lecture, and allow your teen to think through what you are sharing.
Keep tabs on TV. More than 75 percent of prime-time programs contain sexual content, yet only 14 percent of sexual incidents mention risks or responsibilities of sexual activity.
Make media matter. Eight in 10 teens say the media is a good way to start conversations with parents about sex, love, and relationships. Spend time watching TV or a movie with your teen and use what happens to the characters as a way to start talking about your own values. Movies and TV shows are great conversation starters because they shift the focus away from teens to characters they might identify with.
Chat in the car. You may find the car to be a good place for having conversations that are slightly uncomfortable. You don’t have to look at each other and it can be a private setting. Although teens might prefer to listen to music or look out the window, remember they’re listening to you.
Text your teen. The average teen sends and receives 50 text messages a day, but makes and receives just five phone calls. For teens, and even younger children, real-time text-based communications on a cell phone or other mobile device now are the norm. Send positive text messages to your teen or follow up a conversation with a text that reinforces what you just talked about. And if the popular texting abbreviations don’t come naturally to you, don’t sweat it. Just write the way you talk.
Your text might say something like:
Keep your composure. Remain calm. Becoming angry or overreacting to a question or mistake can upset your teen, or worse, silence any hope of future dialogue. Instead, listen and ask open-ended questions.
Be present. Parents have a lot going on these days. When you have a chance to talk with your teen though, try to put some of those worries and activities aside. Pay attention to the conversation and don’t do too many other things at the same time. You don’t have to drop everything; you can cook or do laundry while you talk. Just be sure to listen and make certain your teen knows you are hearing every word.
Be sympathetic. Let your teen know you understand how challenging life as an adolescent can be. Your teen may not believe you can really relate. Help teens know that you understand that the social pressures and obligations of a teen can feel like a lot. Encourage them to stay focused on school and other priorities.
Stress safety. Regardless of your views on the timing of sex, safety is an important part of the message to give your teen. Stress the absolute necessity of using a condom every single time. And stress the importance of using birth control. Don't lecture or nag, but don’t be too shy to emphasize this point.
Provide the facts. Give teens complete and honest information. Make sure they understand that condoms aren't just for preventing pregnancy, but also for reducing the likelihood of contracting STDs and HIV. Make sure they know that birth control methods do not necessarily provide protection against STDs and HIV.
To learn more about contraceptive methods, condoms, and STDs, visit OAH's Contraceptive and Condom Use and STD pages, as well as the section of OAH's Adolescent Health Library devoted to reproductive health resources.
Talk with them, instead of preaching. Resist the urge to talk AT them. Instead, share with them. Let them know how you felt and the challenges you faced when you were their age.
Have lots of discussions. Don’t look at this as one huge, overwhelming moment. Keep in mind that talking to your teen is an ongoing conversation. It takes place in bits and pieces over time. It’s not one big talk. Truth be told, when it comes to important topics like relationships, your teen does want to hear from you, but might find talking comfortable for only a few minutes at a time. Give your opinion over time, instead of just unloading one large lecture, and allow your teen to think through what you are sharing.
Keep tabs on TV. More than 75 percent of prime-time programs contain sexual content, yet only 14 percent of sexual incidents mention risks or responsibilities of sexual activity.
Make media matter. Eight in 10 teens say the media is a good way to start conversations with parents about sex, love, and relationships. Spend time watching TV or a movie with your teen and use what happens to the characters as a way to start talking about your own values. Movies and TV shows are great conversation starters because they shift the focus away from teens to characters they might identify with.
Chat in the car. You may find the car to be a good place for having conversations that are slightly uncomfortable. You don’t have to look at each other and it can be a private setting. Although teens might prefer to listen to music or look out the window, remember they’re listening to you.
Text your teen. The average teen sends and receives 50 text messages a day, but makes and receives just five phone calls. For teens, and even younger children, real-time text-based communications on a cell phone or other mobile device now are the norm. Send positive text messages to your teen or follow up a conversation with a text that reinforces what you just talked about. And if the popular texting abbreviations don’t come naturally to you, don’t sweat it. Just write the way you talk.
Your text might say something like:
- It means a lot to me that you told me about the problem you're having with your friends. Being a teen is tough sometimes. But you are doing great. Remember, I'm here to talk more about it if you want to.
- Good luck on your math exam today. Proud of you for all the time you spent studying!
- Your performance yesterday at the concert/in the game was amazing. Let's go out tonight and celebrate!
- Have fun at the dance! Remember, I'm always happy to give you a ride -- call me or text me if your ride home has been drinking.
- Hope you'll think more about what we talked about yesterday, and that you'll wait until you're a bit older to have sex. There is no rush and I want to make sure you are ready for it.
- Thanks for making dinner with me last night. It was great to get to hear about what's going on with your friends and to spend time with you one-on-one. Love you!
- It was great meeting your boyfriend last night! It felt great that you wanted me to get to know him. I'm always here to talk about the relationships in your life.
- You have always done things when you were ready for them, not on anyone else's agenda. Keep being true to yourself! Thanks for being honest with me about trying cigarettes. I think it's important to have open communication but for you to remember that smoking is really harmful.